It has been a minute hasn't it?
Life got hectic, and that's okay.
So a quick recap:
I am now in graduate school, I'm getting my Masters of Science.
I have two roommates.
I'm making tons of friends.
I'm trying out the dating scene (more on that later).
With all of these things comes struggles and challenges which I am learning how to navigate. I'm busy -- there is no doubt about it, but I think I could benefit by talking to you all about how these new aspects of my life are impacting me and how I'm trying to learn from them.
School has been great! I am in the process of developing a thesis topic to propose to the department, and I have found my passion in exploring the inequalities in how we as biological anthropologists approach human variation. I actually write this as I take my break from my coursework. By the end of next week I have three papers, four presentations, and my final thesis proposal due - fingers crossed I'll get this all done. There have been ups and downs but I have found comfort in knowing that my cohort is right beside me in this. I have found that these people are extraordinary friends and I am so lucky to have them as my peers.
Making friends in a new city is difficult. Living in a new city with new people is hard, I'm sure we all know that through experience or second hand. Really everything about starting over in a new place is just DIFFICULT. I'm trying to find ways to see the positive, however, I've noticed myself slipping recently. There have been circumstances that I could blame on my pessimism but excuses are just a way to continue my negativity. Playing the blame game won't make the situation any better but rather create a toxic environment.
It's been very challenging for me to keep an optimistic outlook on things, I find myself making snarky comments about people in line, gossiping, ranting, all of the things that anger me when others do it now suddenly I'm doing them too. Finding ways to excuse this behavior doesn't allow me to reflect on my actions, it gives me an avenue of innocence without taking responsibility.
Since when did I become someone who talks about others behind their back? Since when am I someone who is so insecure about themselves that they start arguments over silly things like availability? Since when am I someone who so easily gets frustrated? All of these facets of the current me are heavily reminiscent of myself in my freshman year of college. Everything about freshman me needs to be buried in a hole and then set on fire (not kidding -- she sucked). I was malicious, rude, all around just nasty. Nevertheless, I learned from her, I learned how to be better but here I am again confronted with a version of myself I just DO NOT like.
I stared at myself in the mirror this morning for a solid twenty minutes trying to find something in my expression that was ME, and I failed. I just saw someone with a frustrated brow, tired eyes, and guilt written across her face. I can do better, I feel guilty that I am not being the best version of myself. I owe it to myself and those around me to be top tier ME. I think we all too often try and avoid recognizing when we are just not being the best version of ourselves because it is uncomfortable. Beyond just being physically our best self it is how we treat others and how we treat ourselves that constitutes our best selves.
I always feel myself getting tired and sad when I stray from my morals and values. I want to be happy and I know that the only way to do that is to change. I need to remind myself of who I really am and what I stand for. I don't stand for meanness, cruelty, insecurity, or anger. I stand for kindness, support, confidence, and grace. Now all I have to do is get back to that better me.
This whole piece isn't so much a "How To" on getting out of a slump, but a recognition that I am in one, and I need to find a way out. Everyone has different approaches to improving themselves, but I'm going to list out my goals here and how I can try to achieve them.
Be nicer - Think before I speak
Calm down - Meditate, and remember to breathe
Think about others - Pause before I do something and think about the consequences
Be graceful - Remember other people have struggles as well
Do things to make people happy - Observe more about others and act on it
I'll check back in after a week of trying this out. I'll try and add some yoga in there as it always helps me clear my mind (first step there is to buy a yoga mat lol). I just hope that I can prove to myself that I can be the best version of me without a cost to myself or others. Let me know how you like to improve yourself, we're in this together!
And remember: If you don't like something in your life, you have the power to change it.
Peace Out Girl Scout,
Giulia